article by Vivian I. Silva, MSW
Sunnyvale, California-The spark ignited for starting a women’s circle in 1993. I attended a workshop with Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of “Women Who Run with the Wolves.” By the end of the weekend I realized how difficult it was for me to be free to express my own voice. Clarissa had asked the participants to write a poem based on a significant dream. It so happened that one of the three men in attendance was a teacher from my high school and my Saturday catechism classes. When she asked for volunteers to read their poems, I said to myself, “No way can I read mine, Mr. Kiely is here. He’ll wonder what happened to ‘nice’ Vivian”. Just then I heard a voice in my head saying, “All the more reason to read it!” I took a deep breath and raised my hand to volunteer. “Not such a big deal,” you may be thinking to yourself as you read this—But in my dream the words “Fuck You,” screamed out of my mouth at my ex-husband. I rarely used the “F” word, so I realized how significant it was for me to express my anger. This went against all I was taught about being a “nice girl”. Growing up in my Portuguese family, children were to be seen, not heard. In later years, I found myself in a long-term relationship and marriage where I didn’t have a voice. I left that weekend workshop with a mission–to help give older women a voice!
As a social worker and gerontologist at the Cupertino Senior Center, I noticed there wasn’t a format for women only, to discuss aging issues or life situations. Thus began “Lady Guinevere’s Round Table Discussion Group.” Often a new attendee would ask if I was Guinevere, and with a smile I’d answer; “No, but King Arthur probably never invited Lady Guinevere to his round table discussions, so this is a chance for women to be heard”.
The success of this group encouraged Sunnyvale Senior Center’s director to ask me to facilitate and implement a women’s group there. Thus began “A Women’s Circle”, where I continued to pursue my passion—to give women a voice and an opportunity to get to know themselves and each other better. I wanted to present aging topics in a fun, non-threatening way. I continue to hear from participants stating the value of being heard in a circle of women. Comments range from “learning new communication skills”, “not feeling alone”, “new friendships”, “to feeling supported”, and “a bonding unlike any others experienced”.
The experiences of following my passion to help older women find their voice, continued to ignite my creativity; thus, sparking exploration of my own voice. I’ve designed and implemented formats for a variety of topics such as divorce, dreams, transition, film, aging and “free-to-be-me-groups.” I owe much gratitude to the women sharing their voices, sharing their lives with me. They will forever be in my heart’s circle.